Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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