My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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