community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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