yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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