Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
