I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
