My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
