I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
