So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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