You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
