I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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