So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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