..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
