Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They are going to name an STD after you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
