well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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