Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
