I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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