yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
