My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
