so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
