Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
