an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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