i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
