Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
