you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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