its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
