Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
