fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
