please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
