just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
