Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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