Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize