i don't like sucking hair
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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