just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
