I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
