yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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