I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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