Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
