you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
