we're blogging at a bar
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need water and some morals
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