Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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