so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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