girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
