im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
