You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
