I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
COCAINE IS GR8
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
