my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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