just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
