It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
