I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
