Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need a burrito and a hug.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
