So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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