just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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