Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
