oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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