my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think I am morally bankrupt
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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