i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
