think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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