You're so nebulous sometimes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
