Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
