And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize