you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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