Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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