Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
