she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
