he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
