If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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