Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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