Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize