it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
