Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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