Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
