his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
