Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
