im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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