Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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