I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
