He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
