It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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