dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
