I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
