I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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