So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
