he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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