So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize