I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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